B’Mitzvah Program

Congregation Shaare Emeth’s B’Mitzvah Program

Becoming a B’Mitzvah is one of the most significant events in a child’s Jewish upbringing. It celebrates, at or around age 13, the child’s readiness to take on the blessings and responsibilities of a Jewish adult. In some cases, a person may become a B’Mitzvah as an adult.

4th Grade Year

Parents can expect to receive a date selection e-mail during the fall of their student’s 4th grade year. (Depending on birthdays, there is a possibility your family won’t receive this letter until the 5th grade year or will receive it as early as the 3rd grade year.) This letter will direct you on how to submit your preferences for a B’Mitzvah service date.

If you join Shaare Emeth when your child is in 4th-7th grades, please contact Cantor Seth Warner to discuss setting up a B’Mitzvah date, 314-569-0010.

6th Grade Year

B’Mitzvah candidates usually begin their formal study path in preparation for becoming a B’Mitzvah during their 6th grade year. However, depending on birthdays, your student may be in 5th or 7th grade. In order to become B’Mitzvah at Congregation Shaare Emeth, each student must have been enrolled in and attended Shaare Emeth’s Religious School or an approved equivalent for at least four years. B’Mitzvah fees must also be paid, a pay plan in progress, or other financial arrangements made with Cantor Warner. Please call Cantor Warner if you need to discuss scholarships, 314-569-0010.

Congregation Shaare Emeth’s B’Mitzvah Program is built upon three pillars: Torah, Worship, and Acts of Loving Kindness. Our requirements for each B’Mitzvah student are based on fulfilling goals in each of these three areas. Each student will receive one-on-one study with the Cantor and another Hebrew teacher as well as work in small groups of peers to prepare for leading the service and chanting from the Torah and Haftarah. Students will work closely with one of the Rabbis to outline their interpretation of their Torah and Haftarah portions, write introductions for both, and outline and write their D’var Torah, a teaching on their Torah portion. Students will also work with our Director of Jewish Life and Learning on choosing, planning, and implementing a Project Chesed, a B’Mitzvah project.

Schedule

The B’Mitzvah process and requirements are described in detail in the B’Mitzvah Family Guide.

Required Parent Meeting and B’Mitzvah Experience

The 6th grade study year begins with two to three required parent and student meetings, the first in the fall and the second in the winter (a third is held only if necessary). The 6th Grade Parent/Guardian B’Mitzvah Meeting explains the B’Mitzvah process. The B’Mitzvah Experience invites students and parents to participate in a unique service, listen to one-of-a-kind teachings by one or more clergy members, participate in special activities, and receive their Torah portion and B’Mitzvah Family Guide.

Setting Up Meetings and Beginning Lessons

Students will begin studying in preparation for their B’Mitzvah six to eight months before their scheduled date. The B’Mitzvah assistant will contact your family by email to set up the first appointment (for at least one parent or guardian and the student) and weekly lessons (student only). The assistant will also describe the process for all other appointments and give you the time of your Final Rehearsal, typically held the Tuesday before the B’Mitzvah date at 4 or 5 p.m.

B’Mitzvah Academy (BMA)

Our 6th and 7th graders are at a critical moment of transition, taking on the responsibility of becoming B’mitzvah. Developmentally, they are questioning who they are and their place in the world. Our program strives to ask relevant Jewish questions and engage them in dialogue as they work towards this meaningful milestone.

Our BMA experience provides a cohort-based program for our middle school teen learners, culminating with the B’Mitzvah service. With Rabbi Levine and Cantor Warner at the helm, BMA is an integrated, two-year program for 6th and 7th Grades as they prepare to become b’mitzvah at Shaare Emeth. With our incredible faculty and fabulous clergy teaching these students, our young teen learners will work on their Hebrew learning, study Jewish values, share this special time with friends, and more! Learn More About BMA >

Why B’Mitzvah?

In 2022, under the guidance of Shaare Emeth’s Keshet LGBTA+ Committee, we changed how we refer to the exciting rite of passage many young Jews experience around their 13th birthday. Rather than the gendered Bat/Bar Mitzvah (daughter/son of the commandment), we refer to our students by the gender-neutral term, “B’Mitzvah.”

Traditional language and practices associated with a Bar or Bat Mitzvah can exclude people who are non-binary, agender, gender fluid, gender-queer, or any gender identity that is not girl or boy. To reflect the inclusion of all of our students, rather than make assumptions about how our students identify, we simply ask our students and their parents: What would you like your day to be called?

Possible answers to that question might include: Bar Mitzvah (son of the commandment), Bat Mitzvah (daughter of the commandment), B’nei (masculine plural) or B’not (feminine plural) Mitzvah (for multiple students), Simchat Mitzvah (celebration of mitzvah), Kabbalat Mitzvah (receiving mitzvah), B’Mitzvah (in or subject to mitzvah), and Brit Mitzvah (covenant of mitzvah).

To quote Keshet (a Jewish LGBTQ+ advocacy and action 501(c)3), “The purpose is not to erase gender from Jewish ritual, but to multiply the options to create intentional spaces of belonging for all. When we are affirming and expansive in our approach, we create moments of possibility, connection, and celebration.”

If you’d like more information, Keshet has a wonderful guide with tons of useful tips on how to create an affirming, inclusive B’Mitzvah.

Additional Gender-Neutral Resources

ABOUT

Madeleine Elkins & Harvey Wallace

2025 Harris Frank Community Service Award Honorees

Madeleine and Harvey have been cherished members of Congregation Shaare Emeth since 1996. Shortly after their wedding, they began “shul shopping” and quickly found a spiritual home at Shaare Emeth—a community whose warmth and values resonated deeply with them. Since then, they have become pillars of both the congregation and the broader St. Louis community.

Madeleine Elkins built a distinguished 45-year career in the corporate world, with leadership roles in medical supply distribution and law firm financial management. Alongside her professional accomplishments, Madeleine has always made time for meaningful volunteer work. She served on the board of the St. Louis Breast Cancer Coalition and was part of the organizing committee for the JCC Senior Olympics in its early years. Her dedication to Jewish community life is evident in her service on various committees for the Jewish Federation of St. Louis, including co-chairing the 2017 L’Chaim Event. In 2022, she and Harvey co-chaired the JCC’s J’la gala, raising vital funds for scholarships. At Shaare Emeth, Madeleine is a compassionate member of the Caring Committee, and in 2025, she joined the board of the American Jewish Committee, continuing her lifelong commitment to advocacy and service.

Harvey Wallace is a trailblazer in the accounting world and a passionate community leader. In 1973, he co-founded Brown Smith Wallace, a firm that grew to become the 77th largest CPA firm in the United States, with 340 team members at the time of its 2021 merger with Armanino LLP. He now brings his expertise to Private Fiduciary Solutions. Harvey’s professional success is matched by his extraordinary record of community service. He has held leadership roles on the boards of numerous organizations, including the Jewish Community Center, Jewish Federation of St. Louis (where he served as Chairman from 2015 to 2017), Jewish Family Services, The Magic House (Chairman, 2013–2014), Wyman Center, and the Chancellor’s Council at the University of Missouri–St. Louis. His civic engagement also includes board service with the Foundation for Barnes-Jewish Hospital, the St. Louis Community Foundation, and the Advanced Manufacturing Innovation Center. Harvey has been a dedicated member of the St. Louis Men’s Group Against Cancer and was honored with the Missouri Society of Certified Public Accountants Outstanding Public Service Award.

Madeleine and Harvey are blessed with two sons and daughters-in-law, Brad & Elizabeth Wallace and David & Melissa Wallace, and four grandchildren Emma (23), Katie (19), Miriam (13), and Aaron (11).

Together, Madeleine and Harvey exemplify the spirit of generosity, leadership, and compassion. Their decades of service have touched countless lives and strengthened the fabric of our community. We are proud to honor them with the 2025 Harris Frank Community Service Award.