B’Mitzvah Program

Becoming a B’Mitzvah is one of the most significant events in a child’s Jewish upbringing. It celebrates, at age 13, the child’s readiness to take on the blessings and responsibilities of a Jewish adult. In some cases, a person may become a B’Mitzvah as an adult.

4th Grade Year

Parents can expect to receive a Date Selection Letter in the mail during the fall of their student’s 4th grade year. (Depending on birthdays, there is a possibility your family won’t receive this letter until the 5th grade year or will receive it as early as the 3rd grade year.) This letter will direct you on how to submit your preferences for a B’Mitzvah service date.

If you join Shaare Emeth when your child is in 4th-7th grades, please contact Cantor Seth Warner to discuss setting up a B’Mitzvah date, 314-569-0010.

6th Grade Year

B’Mitzvah candidates usually begin their formal study path in preparation for becoming a B’Mitzvah during their 6th grade year. However, depending on birthdays, your student may be in 5th or 7th grade. In order to become B’Mitzvah at Congregation Shaare Emeth, each student must have been enrolled in and attended Shaare Emeth’s Religious School or an approved equivalent for at least four years. B’Mitzvah fees must also be paid, a pay plan in progress, or other financial arrangements made with Cantor Warner. Please call Cantor Warner if you need to discuss scholarships, 314-569-0010.

Congregation Shaare Emeth’s B’Mitzvah Program is built upon three pillars: Torah, Worship, and Acts of Loving Kindness. Our requirements for each B’Mitzvah student are based on fulfilling goals in each of these three areas. Each student will receive one-on-one study with the Cantor and another Hebrew teacher as well as work in small groups of peers to prepare for leading the service and chanting from the Torah and Haftarah. Students will work closely with one of the Rabbis to outline their interpretation of their Torah and Haftarah portions, write introductions for both, and outline and write their D’var Torah, a teaching on their Torah portion. Students will also work with our Director of Jewish Life and Learning on choosing, planning, and implementing a Project Chesed, a B’Mitzvah project.

Schedule

The B’Mitzvah process and requirements are described in detail in the B’Mitzvah Family Guide.

Required Parent Meeting and B’Mitzvah Experience

The 6th grade study year begins with two to three required parent and student meetings, the first in the fall and the second in the winter (a third is held only if necessary). The 6th Grade Parent/Guardian B’Mitzvah Meeting explains the B’Mitzvah process. The B’Mitzvah Experience invites students and parents to participate in a unique service, listen to one-of-a-kind teachings by one or more clergy members, participate in special activities, and receive their Torah portion and B’Mitzvah Family Guide.

Setting Up Meetings and Beginning Lessons

Students will begin studying in preparation for their B’Mitzvah six to eight months before their scheduled date. The B’Mitzvah assistant will contact your family by email to set up the first appointment (for at least one parent or guardian and the student) and weekly lessons (student only). The assistant will also describe the process for all other appointments and give you the time of your Final Rehearsal, typically held the Tuesday before the B’Mitzvah date at 4 or 5 p.m.

B’Mitzvah Resources

B’Mitzvah Family Guide (Coming Soon!)

Check out Keshet’s “Celebrating the Age of Mitzvah: A Guide for All Genders“, for lots of useful tips on how to create an affirming, inclusive B’Mitzvah.

For many young Jews, a B‘Mitzvah is an exciting rite of passage when they become an adult in the eyes of the Jewish community. It is the first time the person is called up to the Torah. However, this ceremony can be extremely gendered (as evidenced by the name Bat/Bar Mitzvah: daughter/son of the commandment). While gendered language works for some people, it doesn’t work for all. The traditional language and practices associated with a Bar or Bat Mitzvah can exclude people who are non-binary, agender, gender fluid, gender-queer, or any gender identity that is not girl or boy. At Congregation Shaare Emeth, we welcome all students and have renamed our program to reflect the inclusion of all students. If your student prefers becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, that’s OK. Students should feel empowered to call their day whatever makes them feel most comfortable.

Additional Gender-Neutral Resources

Adult B’Mitzvah Program

Every year (or two), Shaare Emeth offers an adult B’Mitzvah class. During this year-long course, adult students learn Hebrew reading and chanting skills and explore Jewish thought and prayer. The class meets weekly and shares a B’Mitzvah ceremony in May or early June. The class is usually 5–15 students; some were raised as Jews but never had a B’Mitzvah and others have chosen Judaism as adults. The ability to read Hebrew is a prerequisite for participation in the Adult B’Mitzvah class, which can be fulfilled in our regular Adult Hebrew course. Please contact Cantor Warner, 314-569-0010, for additional information.

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ABOUT

Debbie & Mike Lefton

2024 Harris Frank Community Service Award Honorees

Debbie and Michael Lefton have been dedicated members of the Shaare Emeth community and the broader St. Louis Jewish community for many years, contributing their time and talents in numerous ways.

Debbie has been a member of Shaare Emeth since the 5th grade, attending Sunday School and confirmation. Debbie and Mike have been married for 27 years and became family members of Shaare Emeth in 1996. Their children Sydney, and Jacob, both attend Shirlee Green Preschool, celebrated their b’not mitzvah, and attended Shaare Emeth Camps. Debbie and Mike have been actively involved in various committees at Shaare Emeth throughout the years; Debbie serving as the President of the Shirlee Green Preschool and Mike serving on the Board of Trustees and the Operating Committee for 12 years including President of our congregation.

Their commitment to education and community service extends beyond Shaare Emeth. They are true examples of community service heroes. In 2019 the Lefton Family received the American Jewish Committee Netzach Award and in 2022, Debbie and Mike were honored with the JProStL Community Leader Partnership Award.

After graduating from the University of Missouri-Columbia with a Bachelor’s Degree in Child Life Services, she worked as a Child Life Specialist at Wyler Children’s Hospital in Chicago and St. Louis Children’s Hospital for 12 years. She then earned a Master’s Degree in Healthcare Services from Washington University.

At the St. Louis Jewish Community Center, Debbie has chaired several committees, including the Children’s Activity Center, the Camp Sabra Alumni Committee, and the Mission Task Force Committee. She has also co-chaired the Jewish Book Festival Women’s Event, the St. Louis Maccabi Games Closing Ceremonies and has served on the J Associates Board for 16 years, completing a term as President in 2022. Currently, Debbie serves as an Officer on the Executive Committee at the JCC and is Co-Chairing the Fox Building Capital Campaign. Debbie received the St. Louis Jewish Community Center Richard S. Weiss Past Presidents Award in 2018.

Debbie’s involvement in the St. Louis Jewish Federation includes serving on the Board of CAJE and Women’s Philanthropy and recently began an 8-year term on the National Jewish Federations Women’s Philanthropy Board. Debbie served on the Camp Rainbow Board of Directors and 28 years. Currently, Debbie is a board member of The St. Louis Jewish Light and The St. Louis Children’s Hospital Friends Board. Debbie received the MAC Women of Distinction honor in 2023.

Michael holds a BS in Business Administration from the University of Missouri-Columbia and an MBA from Washington University in St. Louis. Michael began his career with Metal Exchange in 1984 and now serves as Executive Chairman. Under his leadership, Metal Exchange has grown into a global enterprise with a strong international presence, including offices in Zurich and Shanghai. The company’s diverse operations include manufacturing, marketing, trading, metal processing, distribution, and transportation of nonferrous metals.

Mike’s commitment to community service is evident through his current roles as Board President of Variety the Children’s Charity of St. Louis and Regional President of the American Jewish Committee – St. Louis. Mike served as President of the St. Louis Men’s Group Against Cancer for seven years and is Immediate Past President. Mike received the Presidential Citation Award from Variety the Children’s Charity international in 2019.

Additionally, Mike currently serves on several boards, including Barnes-Jewish Hospital, Big Brothers Big Sisters of Eastern Missouri, National Council of Jewish Women Advisory Council, Jewish Federation Professional Society Leadership Advisory Council, and Heat-Up/Cool Down St. Louis.

Debbie and Mike reside in St. Louis and are the proud parents of two adult children, Sydney 26, who lives in Tel Aviv, and Jacob 24, who resides in Cincinnati. The Lefton family are avid hockey fans, enjoy theatre, traveling and spending time in Colorado.

The Shaare Emeth community is honored to celebrate Debbie and Michael Lefton for their unwavering dedication and impactful contributions to our community and beyond.